Headaches.

It really is true that when things go wrong, EVERYTHING goes wrong. But here's the catch, not only are a lot of things not going the way I'd like, but I'm also pressed with a lot of really hard choices right now. Choices that could change a lot in my life.
I've decided to make these blogs brutally honest. Might be a nice release. I don't talk about these things with people, and I don't really want to, so I'll just spew it all out into the internet and whoever reads it, reads it. Here goes.

Things that are bugging me right now: Being the Ex-boyfriend to an Ex-girlfriend who I'm pretty sure I'm still in love with. Finding a good full time job that doesn't drive me crazy. Finding a church with theology I agree with, where I don't feel judged.

Those three things, primarily the first, have been absolutely ripping me up over the last few months. Sometimes it's just suffocating, and I know that God has a plan in all of it, but I always find myself saying, "God, why not now?". I'm learning very quickly that the Christian life (been saved only 4 years) is not easy and it's not a feel-good solution to every problem in life.

Oh yeah, my car is on the verge of death again and isn't really fit to drive, but I have no other means of getting around. So... yup. Pretty frustrating.

A job opportunity just came up, and I can't figure out whether to take it on account of all the driving involved, and the money isn't even that good.

I find it hard to "complain", because I know that I'm better off than 90% of society. But sometimes things just suck, and there's not an easy solution, and that sucks too, and it's easy to fall into a pattern of laziness/self-pity. I used to do that, not so much anymore. Now I just get really, really frustrated.
Sometimes it's hard to remember God in the times where the world just wants to kick you when you're down.

3am

 It's 3am and I'm tired. I should probably be sleeping, but I can't. I am honestly just so fired up about the next few years of my life. I don't really know why, other than that I know God has his hand in all of it.
  I've been in a funk over the past 6 months or so because of a past relationship that lasted a few years. I thought she was "the one". I was very wrong, and that has been hard to take. I've had a hard time just getting out of bed and going to work. Most days since she hasn't been around, I just feel frozen in place, never moving forward or making any progress at all, and I have been so bitter towards God, thinking that he let all of this happen.
  Recently God has blessed me with an eternal perspective, which simply means that I can see past all the things in this world that will fade, and die, and look beyond to where God is waiting in his perfect majesty. So often I have paired my self-worth with the success of my relationships, and my career choices. Not anymore. I have to be responsible for myself and my own choices and that's it, and look to God in everything. I'm pretty stoked to start moving forward. God is good.

3am. Work tomorrow is going to suck.